LSANKAR

I'm not always able to reconnect with writers and ideas that I've vibed with in the past. It can be really frustrating. Sometimes a little identity threatening.

I recently tried re-reading Brian Greene, a popular science writer I really connected with when I was a kid. I give him a lot of credit (along with Hawking, Feynman, etc.) with instilling my early interest in physics and the value of pursuing truth. The part of me that loved his writing as a kid is a part of me that I hold very dearly today. Which is why it hurt when I just couldn't get into his book recently.

It hurt because I felt that my inability to connect was evidence that I'd lost something deeper. Like I'd lost some of my natural curiosity and wonder at the world.

Nietzsche is another writer I connected with deeply. This time, right after college. At the time I was struggling with having left the institution of my childhood (the American education system), but not necessarily finding resonance in any of 'popular' institutions in front of me (big tech, finance, grad school). I felt lost and disconnected, but still passionate. Nietzsche comes from a somewhat similar place, but he had the intellect and clarity of thought to define a philosophy to deal with that incongruity.

Nietzsche clearly states that moral systems are purely a product of historical circumstance. He helped me see through institutions and frameworks I'd considered 'divine' in my life until then. Not necessarily as farcical or evil, but as arbitrary and relative. History has randomness baked in, so if morality is a product of history, then what people consider moral today is somewhat arbitrary. He presented me a harmonious way to live with that. He's helped me think about and examine groupthink in every social group I've been a part of since I first read him.

Disillusionment with ideas I'd held as important in the past on the road to pessimistic nihilism. Nietzsche's language around his own disillusionment helped me construct a more optimistic nihilistic worldview for myself.

I've been in really high spirits about the fact that I was able to reconnect with Nietzsche recently. I've had 'Thus Spake Zarathustra' on my bookshelf for years, afraid that I'd lost the ability to digest him. Luckily, we still connect.

One new idea that's resonating with me is why our pasts are the source of anxiety. Nietzsche has a simple model for this:

all humans are fundamentally driven by a desire to expand their own power. he calls this the 'will to power'

our futures are a product of our actions and decisions, but our pasts are fixed

therefore our futures can be empowering, but our pasts can feel constraining

This is almost tautological, but I find it descriptive and useful. Both in understanding myself and others.

I shouldn't close without sharing (my interpretation of) Nietzsche's suggestion in the face of this. Reframe your past as a product of your will to power. If you know that it was you, acting out of free will who made all of your past happen (which is, fundamentally, true), it's hard to feel anything but connected with it.

Whatever made me drift away from Brian Greene in early adulthood, I know it was a product of my mind growing and exerting its will. I can't be anything but happy with that.